Ridiculous Riddles:

What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the beach?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
What has a neck, but no head?
Answer: A bottle.
What driver doesn't have a license?
Answer: A screwdriver.
What did the guitar say to the rock star?
Answer: Quit picking on me!
Why do statues and paintings of George Washington always show him standing?
Answer: Because he would never lie.
What has one foot on each side and one in the middle?
Answer: A yardstick.
How do you avoid falling hair?
Answer: Step out of the way.
What kind of can never needs a can opener?
Answer: A pelican.
Why did the doctor switch jobs?
Answer: He lost his (patience) patients.
Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?
Answer: In a dictionary.
What has 10 legs and drools?
Answer: Quintuplets.
Why did the clock get sick?
Answer: It was run down.
Where do old bowling balls end up?
Answer: In the gutter.
Why did the tree see the dentist?
Answer: To get a root canal.
What did one scale say to the other scale?
Answer: You have a way (weigh) about you.
How do you prevent a summer cold?
Answer: Catch it in the winter.
Did you ever see the salad dressing?
Answer: No, but I saw the bacon strip.
How much do mechanics charge to fix tires?
Answer: It's a flat rate.
What did the mayonnaise say to the mustard?
Answer: Close the door, I'm dressing.
Why did you get rid of your watchdog?
Answer: He could not tell time.
What never gets any wetter no matter how hard it rains?
Answer: The ocean.
Why did Johnny toss a glass of water out the window?
Answer: He wanted to see a water fall.
What did one wall say to the other?
Answer: Meet you at the corner.
What paper makes you itch?
Answer: Scratch paper.
What person is always in a hurry?
Answer: One who is Russian (rushing).
If a child is spanked by his mother and by his father, who hurts the most?
Answer: Probably the child.
Who always goes to bed with shoes on?
Answer: A horse.
What odd number becomes even when beheaded?
Answer: The number seven (behead the \s\ and you have even).
What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Answer: Wake up.
What five letter word has six left after you take two letters away?
Answer: Sixty (take away \ty\ and six is left).
What do people make that nobody can ever see?
Answer: Noise.
Why is a horse like the letter \O\?
Answer: Because \gee\ makes it go.
What kind of table has no legs?
Answer: A multiplication table.
What is it that someone else has to take before you can get it?
Answer: Your photograph.
What is the difference between a hill and a pill?
Answer: A hill is hard to go up and a pill is hard to get down.
How can you make a pearl out of a pear?
Answer: Take off the letter \l\ in pearl.
What is it that everyone requires, everyone gives, everyone asks and that very few take?
Answer: Advice.
What is at the head of fashion, but always out of date?
Answer: The letter \f\.
What goes from New York to California without moving?
Answer: A highway.
What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
Answer: An elephant can have fleas, but a flea will never have an elephant.
What is the best thing to put into cakes?
Answer: Your teeth.
Is it safe to write a letter on an empty stomach?
Answer: Sure, but it is probably better to write the letter on paper.
What kind of umbrella do most people carry on a rainy day?
Answer: A wet one.
Can you explain how long cows should be milked?
Answer: The same way you milk short cows.
What runs all around the yard without moving?
Answer: The fence.
What always happens at the end of a dry spell?
Answer: It rains.
What is found all over the house?
Answer: The roof.
When a child stomps through a mud puddle, what is the first thing he does?
Answer: He (or she) gets wet.
Where are kings usually crowned?
Answer: On their heads.
What is the best way to get fat?
Answer: Go to the butcher shop.
Why was Washington buried at Mt. Vernon?
Answer: Because he was dead.
What kind of doctor would a duck become?
Answer: A quack doctor.
Why does your sense of touch suffer when you are ill?
Answer: Because you do not feel well.
Why do women not become bald as soon as men?
Answer: Because they wear their hair longer.
Why is the dentist so unhappy while at work?
Answer: Because he is always looking down in the mouth.
Why does a bald-headed man have no use for keys?
Answer: Because he has no locks.
What is the best thing to take when you are run down?
Answer: The license plate number of the car that hit you.
How can a man have 4 hands?
Answer: When he doubles his fists.
What has fifty heads but can't think?
Answer: A book of matches.
What is most useful when it is used up?
Answer: An umbrella.
What has 4 legs, a back, but no body?
Answer: A chair.
What is the biggest jewel in the world?
Answer: A baseball diamond.
If a young boy should lose his knee, where would he go for another?
Answer: To a butcher shop where kidneys are sold.
How do you keep food on an empty stomach?
Answer: Bolt it down.
What did the big toe say to the little toe?
Answer: Don't look now, but there's a heel following us.
In what country were the first doughnuts fried?
Answer: In Greece.
What is the worst kind of fare for men to live on?
Answer: Warfare.
Why did the jelly roll?
Answer: It saw the apple turnover.
Where was Solomon's temple?
Answer: On his head.
What is the best key to a good dinner?
Answer: A turkey.
Why is a promise like an egg?
Answer: They are both easily broken.
What always happens on your 39th birthday?
Answer: You turn 39.
What is the largest plumbing job ever attempted?
Answer: Flushing Michigan.
Why did Betsy Ross volunteer to make a flag?
Answer: Because it was sew easy.
Why did the man put on a wet shirt?
Answer: The label said wash and wear.
What is the first thing the President does every day?
Answer: He wakes up.
What is everyone in the world doing at the same time?
Answer: Getting older.
What bus ran from Spain to America?
Answer: Columbus.
What word is always pronounced wrong?
Answer: The word \wrong\.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Answer: Pilgrims.
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Ridiculous Riddles
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